Melissa Mcgill

Share your military spouse story:
I met my husband, Jimmy while he was on recruiting duty in North Carolina. After dating for about nine months, we were married and brought four children together. Jimmy explained the military lifestyle to me from his perspective as the service member. He did not know that I would experience resentment for being a military spouse or that I would face compassion fatigue. He certainly did not explain resiliency, grit, and emotional intelligence to me from a military spouse lens. Our first pcs move was exciting for me, but came with setbacks. I began to learn what resiliency was early. Our next pcs was to Yokosuka, Japan. A few days before we were scheduled to fly out, the big earthquake and tsunami struck Japan on March 11, 2011. We were situated in a hotel with our children and a pet. The disaster placed us in limbo for several months. We finally received updated orders to Yokosuka, but with several stipulations due to the aftermath of the destruction. We could not bring our pet which was devastating. There was mandatory radiation medication we had to take upon arrival in Yokosuka. Shopping for food was even a challenge due to the radiation precautions. Finding housing was extremely challenging for me because I had never lived abroad and was not familiar with the culture. I could not speak Japanese nor read Kanji. To make matters worse, a couple of weeks after our arrival in Yokosuka, Jimmy deployed. I was a new military spouse with children in a foreign land which was recovering from a major natural disaster. I had no family or friends in the area, no support system, and was still learning about the military lifestyle. I experienced fear, anxiety and depression. It became difficult to see the wonderment of being a military spouse. However, I began thinking about a line from the movie, Ray which stated, “promise me you’ll never let nobody turn you into no cripple!” That was a pivotal moment for me. I had allowed my situation as a military spouse to cripple me.

Describe any leadership positions or provide an overview of your leadership contributions within the military community.
My first experience in a military spouse leadership position was as a Navy Family Ombudsman. In addition to being the official liaison between the Command and family members, I utilized the position to provide knowledge and resources to other spouses. I served as a Yokosuka Enhanced Spouse Sponsorship (YESS) program member where I volunteered to sponsor new spouses that arrived at Yokosuka. My goal was to help spouses navigate living overseas. I served as a member of COMPASS (a Naval Services Familyline (NSLC) mentoring program developed by spouses for spouses), a member of CFAY Spouses Program, Chief Petty Officers (CPO) Spouses, Triad Spouses Support Team, and the Director of the first overseas military chapter of Wife Talk Military. Additionally, I am the Pillar Head of Wife Talk Military which is a non-profit organization that uplifts, encourages and inspires military spouses in every season of military marriage including retirement and Gold Star Widows.

What programs or projects are you currently involved in that support the needs of military families?
My leadership and passion led me to become a published author. I have written and published eleven books so far but the two I am most proud of are my books written from a military spouse perspective. My goal is to change the narrative of how military spouses view this unique lifestyle and how others view military spouses. I desire to present opportunities for other spouses not to become a cripple but instead to utilize the available tools to reach their highest potential in personal development, professional development and wellness. I am currently a Certified Wife Coach, a Mentor with American Corporate Partners (ACP), a Mentor with Naval Services Familyline (NSLC) for the Naval Leadership & Ethics Center (NLEC) Command Master Chief/Chief of the Boat (CMC/COB) Spouses, the Northwest Regional Representative for NSLC which covers ten states in the Pacific Northwest, an Arbinger Facilitator, and a proud Navy Branch Mentor for Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN).

What moments best reflect your impact on building inclusive community among military spouses?
I teach, train, coach and mentor military spouses and veterans. I help them develop and improve their skills including critical thinking, adaptability, problem solving, effective communication, and interpersonal awareness. As an Arbinger Facilitator, I teach at military facilities on shifting perspectives from an inward mindset to an outward mindset which leads to overall growth of their organizations. At Wife Talk Military, I build relationships with other military spouses, help them obtain stronger marriages, and I develop others to also become leaders. I attended and graduated from the Leadership Institute for Military Spouses (LIMS) Mental Wellness Program through the University of Notre Dame, LIMS Emerging Leaders Program (ELP), the Military Spouse Leadership Development Program (MSLDP) through Harvard University, Mental Health Ally Certification Program through Psych Hub, the Wife Coach Institute (TWCI) and I have a Bachelor of Arts (magna cum laude) in Social Psychology.

Identify your main advocacy effort and describe your personal connection to the cause.
As a MSAN Navy Branch Mentor, I lead other mentors. I guide them in how to properly help their mentees reach success by finding and utilizing available resources, communicating effectively and peer-to-peer mentorship. I teach the mentors about the eight dimensions of wellness so that they are better equipped to handle what can be challenging. I help the mentors stay organized for better effectiveness. Prior to becoming a branch mentor, I was a mentee with MSAN. I saw the great value in the programs MSAN offers and wanted to give back to the military spouse community. I am extremely passionate about military marriages. I recruit and train military spouses to become advocates for military marriages. I have had the pleasure of speaking at various events such as Wife Talk Leaders Retreat, CPO Spouses Symposiums and NLEC Leadership Academy about the unique lifestyle of a military spouse and how to navigate it so to not lose oneself while supporting their service member.

Summarize your advocacy outreach strategies, including any events, media involvement, or other communication efforts.
My advocacy outreach strategies includes events such as podcasts, live social media sessions and in person events. I have been invited and/or scheduled to be a guest on several podcasts geared towards military spouses. I have been invited to the MilSpouseFest event that occurs in several states this year. I travel on official orders to Newport, RI at least once every year to mentor and share resources at NLEC with new CMC/COB spouses. I utilize the opportunity to introduce programs like MSLDP and ELP to the spouses that are generally not aware of these programs. I attend Ombudsman Assemblies monthly where I exchange resources and information relevant to local and national military spouse communities.

What do you hope to accomplish with the AFI Military Spouse of the Year^® title?
If I am a winner of the AFI Military Spouse of the Year, I will utilize the platform to continue my quest to reach as many military spouses as possible to help them navigate this unique lifestyle with power, resiliency, grit, emotional intelligence, and hope. I will share my story of how trials can become triumphs with the right mindset and support system. My desire and passion for military spouses are that they do not have to be a statistic of their circumstances. They can be leaders, advocates, change agents and have successful military marriages through every challenge presented in this lifestyle. I wish to change the overall negative stigma often associated with being a military spouse. We are more than a “dependa”. We are leaders who inspire others to be leaders too.