Stephanie Hickey

Share your military spouse story:
I've been married to my husband, MAJ. Tomm, for 10 years! He's been in the military 25 years, so his deployments all happened before we had even met. Tomm and I love that we are a Match.com success story. I was working in Washington, D.C. when he got stationed there, and within his first month in town we "matched". Five months later we were married. (When you know, you know.) The first six year of our marriage were spent in the same house, which is a rarity in military life. I just assumed we were lucky and he could keep bouncing between assignments in the National Capital Region. But alas, our luck ran out and I had the opportunity to experience my first PCS, which was a PPM. I learned SO MUCH through that experience, and for the first time, I felt like I finally earned my "military spouse" credentials. We have three children - a five-year-old and one-year-old twins. Our children are the result of eight rounds of IVF. I've been very vocal in advocating for better fertility treatment options within the military community, and I've prioritized networking with fellow IVF families to share our journeys. Fertility treatments are hard enough as it is, but when you are forced to PCS in the midst of them (meaning finding a new fertility clinic, shipping embryos, and more - all with an out-of-pocket cost) it can be mentally devastating. I am a marketing and communications professional, running my own company. I also care for our children, which can be especially taxing with toddler twins! Tomm is AGR, so he is away at least one weekend a month - often more. Solo parenting is hard work, as all military parents know. Making sure that I find a solid community is the key to success, both in having the support for myself and giving support to fellow spouses.

Share an example of your leadership experience within the military community:
I currently serve as the 1st Vice President of the North Country Spouses' Club, and was previously the club’s Recording Secretary and Social Chair. This year, I oversaw the Tree & Wreath Gala, which is the largest annual fundraiser for NCSC. Due to my innovative ideas and leadership, the event surpassed fundraising goals by 25%! Monies raised support NCSC’s educational scholarships and community grants programs.

Describe your involvement in the military community:
I am very active with the North Country Spouses’ Club (NCSC). I currently serve as the 1st Vice President, and was previously the club’s Recording Secretary and Social Chair. In all of these roles, I have had the opportunity to network with other spouses and help them find their tribe. I know first-hand how lonely it can be without having support, so I work hard to ensure all spouses know about opportunities to be included. I also co-chair the NCSC Beer, Wine & Spirits Sub-Club. I host monthly events to encourage spouses to connect with each other and find comradery.

Describe how you support your community:
As an AGR spouse, I understand what it feels like to be “on the fringe” of Army life, without the support of a traditional SFRG, coffee group, etc. I work hard to find ways to connect with my local community, including reaching out to fellow spouses to ensure they have the connections to find their tribe. I want to make sure military spouses know what opportunities are available to them, and to ensure others don’t feel alone or secluded at their duty station.

What do you advocate for? Why?
I am most passionate about supporting spouses while they navigate fertility treatments. It is a very loney process, and can make one feel even more isolated when around so many military families with children. Military healthcare has a lot of perks, but not when it comes to fertility treatments. Having gone through the process so many times, for so many years, has given me knowledge and experience that I am eager to share and help others.

How have you spread the message of your platform/advocacy?
I have been active in various online support groups for military families undergoing fertility treatments, especially IVF. Sharing tips to navigate the unique challenges that military families face, especially PCSing during treatment, has helped me "pay it forward".

What do you hope to accomplish with the AFI Military Spouse of the Year^® title?
I hope to bring awareness to all of the hardships and successes that military spouses endure throughout this lifestyle.