Nicole B Gebhardt

Share your military spouse story:
After I lost my son, Samuel, at 9 weeks of age and then experiencing 2 agonizing miscarriages, I promised my children that one day I would be that voice for all military spouses & women who have experienced sexual and physical abuse, infant loss, miscarriage and/or addiction, all like their momma. My story begins when I was sexually assaulted by a family member as a child & then again when I was a freshman at FSU by a group of fraternity brothers at an off campus party. Years later I had a baby & one morning I walked into my son’s nursery & found him lifeless in his crib at 9 weeks of age. Then had 2 miscarriage. My ex husband ran to drugs and became very abusive. I ended up leaving him when I was 7 mths pregnant and had a 1 y/o and 2 y/o. I had no clue how I was going to keep food on the table as we were living on food stamps or a roof over our heads, but I was determined to do it. Then I ran to alcohol myself. I drank to numb the pain and to not have to feel life. Well, on October 15, 2019 it was Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness day and had decided I did not want to live any longer without my 3 babies who died so I tried to commit suicide. I got completely drunk & ended up falling down 2 Flights of stairs. When the first responders got me to the hospital the doctors in the ER said I would not make it. I had a brain bleed, brain concussion & was 5 TIMES the legal limit of alcohol. Well, after a week in ICU, I did survive. I knew then that my life had to change. I got clean & sober & finally did the inner work & in doing so I was able to heal and turn my own pain into purpose. Today, I am 5 years sober, coach fellow military spouses who have been raped, lost children, and/or recovering alcoholics & teach them how to love themselves, find peace & heal from the inside out. I’m also a motivational speaker, published author of 3 books (2 became best sellers) & blessed helping millions of women heal every day. Also, started grief support groups for spouses in DC.

Share an example of your leadership experience within the military community:
It’s my heart to serve others; especially military spouses. I’ve been blessed to be the speaker at events all over for military spouses who are recovering alcoholics & addicts, who have lost a child & who have experienced any form of abuse. I created & started a Pregancy & Infant Loss Support Group & lead meetings so the spouses know they are not alone & they can heal too. I hold a candlelight vigil every October (which is Pregancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month) for military spouses who have lost children. I’ve hosted tons of monthly coffee meet-n-greets in my home & at local coffee shops in Arlington for military spouses who have just moved here & live in the area. I have set up and organized many family fun days and many holiday parties at several instillations where our family has served so the families feel involved. I host deployment dinners for spouses whose significant other is deployed , as well as several Friendsgivings for military families who do not have family in the area

Describe your involvement in the military community:
I am very involved in the military community. When my husband and I got married 12 years ago, I made sure I got involved right away & stayed involved. Here is a brief list of my current and past involvement in the military community: •National Guard Bureau Spouses' Club, serve as Vice President & Secretary •Military Officers Association of America, serve as Spouse Advisory Council Committee Member •165th Airlift Wing Operations Group, serving as Key Spouse •First Air Force, serving as Key Spouse •Joint Base Andrews, serving as Key Spouse •Tyndall Air Force Base Spouses Club, serving as Social Events Chair •Infant Loss and Miscarriage Support Group for Air National Guard Spouses in the DMV area including the Pentagon & Andrews AFB, serving as Support Group Leader •MOAA, served as Spouse Advisory Council committee member CSSAC

Describe how you support your community:
stay very involved in the community and supporting our community everywhere we serve as have served. I have led numerous speaking engagements & workshops for fellow military spouses who are recovering alcoholics & addicts, who have experienced preganacy and/or infant loss, who have been divorced, and who have experienced emotional, physical or sexual abuse. I have started countless coffee groups for military spouses at every base I have served at so spouses do not feel alone and feel included. I host holiday dinners and play dates for spouses and their families so we can build community and our children can feel loved, supported and included. I lead and run a support group for spouses who have lost children and are stationed at the Pentagon and Joint Base Andrews. I serve as an AA sponser for other fellow military spouses. I have put together numerous Family Days at every duty stations we have served at so spouses and their famliy feel supported and feel a part of the community.

What do you advocate for? Why?
I advocate for all spouses who have experienced any form of abuse, infant loss, miscarriage, divorce and addiction. I do this for THREE main reasons. First, so spouses know that they are not alone. Second, so spouses know that they can literally walk through hell (rape, molestation, abuse, child loss, addiction) and still come out on top living the life they have always dreamed of living. And third, so ALL spouses know they are not just enough, but MORE than enough and that they are worthy to love themselves & to live their best life. I’m a huge advocate for pregnancy & infant loss awareness as 1 in 4 women have experienced this pain and I want them to feel seen, heard & supported. I have made it my life mission in honor of my children who died to be that advocate for all spouses. Being five years sober and turning my own pain into purpose has allowed me to forge the way for hundreds of other spouses.

How have you spread the message of your platform/advocacy?
I speak all over on how I’ve turned my own pain into purpose & how all other women can do that too. I’ve been the keynote speaker at numerous events and workshops all over. I have published 3 books- “The Queen’s Companion Book”, “Broken Wings Broken Dreams: A Mother's Life After Infant Loss and Miscarriage” & “The Healing Cocoon”. My 1st book is for women who have experienced abuse, addiction, divorce, weight loss issues, anxiety, depression & insomnia & clear methods on how to overcome that trauma. My other 2 are for women who have lost a child. They offer a guide for healing, practical tools for grief management & how to love life again after child loss & both became best sellers. I also lead support groups all over. I use social media as a major platform for getting the word out on what I advocate for women and fellow military spouses. I have been on countless podcasts, news media interviews, NPR interviews, magazine articles. All of this is how I communicate my message effectively.

What do you hope to accomplish with the AFI Military Spouse of the Year^® title?
If I am awarded the prestigious honor of AFI Military Spouse of the Year, I want to make a difference. I want to spread awareness. I want to be that voice for all military spouses. I want to make sure all other spouses feel worthy, good enough, empowered, and fully supported. I want to build a sense of community and bring awareness to issues that are not talked about and need to be...for example, pregnancy and infant loss. (1:4 pregnancies end in pregnancy loss & this needs to be talked about) Also, I plan to shine light on mental health awareness (anxiety, depression, PTSD, insomnia) and teach spouses that it’s okay to ask for help they are not meant to do this alone. We can accomplish anything if we do it together.