Toby Boisvert Jr

Share your military spouse story:
Growing up in a military family, I have been around both active duty and retirees all my life. As a child, I was an army brat. Because of this, it came as no surprise that I would eventually marry a service member. Marrying into the military a bit later in life was a bit of a shock but not for the reasons most would think. As a male, I quickly realized just how little support for male military spouses existed. I soon found myself being ignored by many of the local spouses. As a father with a small child, I quickly found that arranging playdates for my little guy was nearly impossible. As working for myself allows me to make my own schedule, I take care of my youngest during the day. Because of this, I am usually the one to bring him to the parks to play. The pain of your child begging to play with other children is gut-wrenching, especially when you are trying your best to make it happen. I soon met another male spouse, Joey Moehrholt, and realized my situation was not unique but quite normal for male military spouses. We discussed how everything was geared toward women. I slowly began advocating in various forums for male inclusion. Through that advocacy, I soon learned males were not the only ones who felt like outsiders. I spoke to people from all walks of life who felt they didn't belong in local spouse groups, some even denied access to certain online forums and groups. So I started to do more than just talk about it. I was eventually approached to write an article for In-Dependent.org, a non-profit dedicated to military spouse wellness. By this time I was not only advocating for complete inclusion within the military spouse community, but as a fitness professional I was also advocating for physical wellness too. It wasn't long before I became a member of the team, writing articles ranging from physical wellness to reminding spouses to create their own unique identity. Something I continue to do today.

Share an example of your leadership experience within the military community:
I suppose the best examples of leadership is my continued advocacy for not just males but all spouses through the articles and projects in which I participate for In-Dependent. In a space where so many males are too uncomfortable to speak out, I continue to press forward with the message of inclusion and overall wellness.

Describe your involvement in the military community:
I am a member of In-Dependent.org, a non-profit focused on military spouse wellness. Within the organization I work on projects, write articles, and advocate for complete inclusion within the spouse community. I was also featured as the cover story of the December 2022 issue of Military Families Magazine.

Describe how you support your community:
I support my community by ultimately advocating for a completely inclusive space, especially for men. In addition to inclusivity, I also advocate for spouse wellness, both physical and mental. I feel this is extremely important, especially to people who often have a hard time not living within their spouses' shadows. I know what it feels like to seemingly lose your identity. Because of this, I want to help as many people as I can who are going through similar hardships.

What do you advocate for? Why?
I advocate for not only males, but for ALL spouses. I advocate for complete inclusion because human connection is important, especially for a group of people who have to make new friends every 2-3 years. The hard topics need to be discussed openly. I am willing to have those hard conversations, addressing the "elephant in the room." Far too many spouses do not get the support they so desperately need because they don't fit a stereotype. This MUST change. I am doing my best to make sure this happens sooner than later. In 2024, "Hey ladies" is a long outdated greeting when addressing a diverse group of spouses. It is time for that phrase to be retired.

How have you spread the message of your platform/advocacy?
I spread my message through articles, interviews, online forums and groups, and in person. I am also lucky enough to be part of an organization that values my opinions and viewpoints. I was the cover story for Military Families magazine in December, 2022.

What do you hope to accomplish with the AFI Military Spouse of the Year^® title?
I hope to pull the military spouse community closer to being fully inclusive. I hope to inspire and encourage other spouses to speak out about what they see wrong instead of keeping the status quo. I hope to bring support to those who need it. I hope to encourage more men to take seats at the table. I hope to show people that running a race their own way can be just as important as winning. Most importantly, I hope to shatter the stereotypes of the military spouse.