Toby Boisvert Jr

Branch: Army

Duty Station: MacDill Air Force Base

Number of Deployments: 2

Number of PCS's: 5

Share your military spouse story:
Growing up in a military family, I have been around both active duty and retirees all my life. As a child, I was an army brat. Because of this, it came as no surprise that I would eventually marry a service member. Marrying into the military a bit later in life was a bit of a shock but not for the reasons most would think. As a male, I quickly realized just how little support for male military spouses existed. I soon found myself being ignored by many of the local spouses. As a father with a small child, I quickly found that arranging playdates for my little guy was nearly impossible. As working for myself allows me to make my own schedule, I take care of my youngest during the day. Because of this, I am usually the one to bring him to the parks to play. The pain of your child begging to play with other children is gut-wrenching, especially when you are trying your best to make it happen. I soon met another male spouse, Joey Moehrholt, and realized my situation was not unique but quite normal for male military spouses. We discussed how everything was geared toward women. I slowly began advocating in various forums for male inclusion. Through that advocacy, I soon learned males were not the only ones who felt like outsiders. I spoke to people from all walks of life who felt they didn't belong in local spouse groups, some even denied access to certain online forums and groups. So I started to do more than just talk about it. I was eventually approached to write an article for, a non-profit dedicated to military spouse wellness. By this time I was not only advocating for complete inclusion within the military spouse community, but as a fitness professional I was also advocating for physical wellness too. It wasn't long before I became a member of the team, writing articles ranging from physical wellness to reminding spouses to create their own unique identity. Something I continue to do today.

Share an example of your leadership experience within the military community:
I suppose the best examples of leadership is my continued advocacy for not just males but all spouses through the articles and projects in which I participate for In-Dependent. In a space where so many males are too uncomfortable to speak out, I continue to press forward with the message of inclusion and overall wellness.

Describe your involvement in the military community:
I am a member of, a non-profit focused on military spouse wellness. Within the organization I work on projects, write articles, and advocate for complete inclusion within the spouse community. I was also featured as the cover story of the December 2022 issue of Military Families Magazine.

Describe how you support your community:
I support my community by ultimately advocating for a completely inclusive space, especially for men. In addition to inclusivity, I also advocate for spouse wellness, both physical and mental. I feel this is extremely important, especially to people who often have a hard time not living within their spouses' shadows. I know what it feels like to seemingly lose your identity. Because of this, I want to help as many people as I can who are going through similar hardships.

What do you advocate for? Why?
I advocate for not only males, but for ALL spouses. I advocate for complete inclusion because human connection is important, especially for a group of people who have to make new friends every 2-3 years. The hard topics need to be discussed openly. I am willing to have those hard conversations, addressing the "elephant in the room." Far too many spouses do not get the support they so desperately need because they don't fit a stereotype. This MUST change. I am doing my best to make sure this happens sooner than later. In 2024, "Hey ladies" is a long outdated greeting when addressing a diverse group of spouses. It is time for that phrase to be retired.

How have you spread the message of your platform/advocacy?
I spread my message through articles, interviews, online forums and groups, and in person. I am also lucky enough to be part of an organization that values my opinions and viewpoints. I was the cover story for Military Families magazine in December, 2022.

What do you hope to accomplish with the AFI Military Spouse of the Year® title?
I hope to pull the military spouse community closer to being fully inclusive. I hope to inspire and encourage other spouses to speak out about what they see wrong instead of keeping the status quo. I hope to bring support to those who need it. I hope to encourage more men to take seats at the table. I hope to show people that running a race their own way can be just as important as winning. Most importantly, I hope to shatter the stereotypes of the military spouse.


Not only is Toby an exceptional spouse to his partner, he continues to promote health and well-being for spouses through fitness. We have been friends for several years, and while we never met in person, we continue to hold a strong bond as male military spouses. He's become a center point for male spouses and creating space for us to gather together through online communities and find support and places to talk to one another on our side of the Female-centric spaces.
- by Joseph Moehrholt