Kristen Thoennes

Share your military spouse story:
My husband and I met through Facebook back when it was just for college kids. At the time, the military was not on the radar for either of us. We got married after I graduated and moved to Texas; my dad offered Charles a job at his company. Then the recession hit and my Dad had to lay him off (I can only imagine how awkward that had to be for them both). After that, we chose to move back to our home state of South Carolina thinking we would be able to find jobs. After a year living off unemployment, my husband finally had a choice: a civilian job offer or enlist in the Air Force. I knew the civilian job would not make him happy in the long term, so we embarked on our military journey. He graduated from BMT right around our two year wedding anniversary. My first experiences as a military spouse, while he was at training, were so overwhelming and stressful. I had to figure out where to get my dependent ID and enroll in Tricare without any support system. At our first duty station, I struggled with making friends and finding my way. It was very lonely at times, but it taught me an important lesson that I have taken with me on each PCS.

Share an example of your leadership experience within the military community:
One of my favorite leadership experiences was when I was President of the Shaw Spouses' Club the first time. It was also the most educational experience for me. When I believe in a cause, I put my whole heart into it. I attended as many events as I could. I showed up to all the committee meetings that my schedule allowed. I filled in for vacant positions. I praised my team's hard work often. I gave financial contributions to support our fundraisers. I dreamed about the club. But through it all I struggled. I overcommitted myself, drained my energy and overanalyzed any little problem. It taught me a lot about being a leader. It taught me that it's OK to say no. It's OK to take care of myself. It's OK to have tough conversations. Because of that, I have grown to be a much better leader and have been able to take those experiences with me to each new role I take on.

Describe your involvement in the military community:
Since finding my footing as a military spouse, I have been involved in the military community in a variety of ways. I planned social events for our squadron spouses while stationed at Beale AFB. I joined the Beale Officers' Spouses' Club as Publicity chair and served as a Key Spouse. At our next duty station, Shaw AFB, I volunteered for the Shaw Spouses' Club as public relations chair, social media chair and President (twice). Now at USAG Stuttgart, I continued serving the spouses' club as membership chair, publicity and social media chair and now Communications Manager. In addition to my roles in local organizations, I have dedicated my time with both the Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) on the Communications & Marketing team and with Americans Working Around the Globe (AWAG) as the Public Relations Director. While these roles have partly been selfish to help me meet people and build my resume, they have allowed me to serve and let others know there is a place for them.

Describe how you support your community:
Community is very important to me. After feeling the isolation and loneliness at our first duty station, I never want anyone to feel that way again. A lot of what I do is behind the scenes, small gestures and showing up, which is not as glamourous as some other ways people support communities, but it can be just as important to the morale of a community. While I was working at the thrift shop on base, customers often commented on how I was always smiling, always positive and happy. It is such a minor action, but it is a benefit to the community. It can be easy to focus on the negatives at any duty station or to only see the dark side of being a military spouse (un and under employment comes to mind as a top contender, am I right???), but being that positive light in the lives of others may help them to see the many amazing aspects to our military life.

What do you advocate for? Why?
I advocate for community building. I recently watched the documentary series on Netflix about the Blue Zones. These are areas in the world with high levels of longevity in their population. After examining these areas, community is one important factor helping people live longer. Community and social time together is necessary for our physical, mental and spiritual health. Too often I see people reach out on Facebook groups about how they are new and do not know anyone. Or maybe they have been stationed here a while and haven't been able to make friends. Or their friend group PCSed and they have to start over again. I love to help people discover the ways in which they can build community, meet people and enjoy their time at a duty station. It is hard because I know firsthand how hard it is to be the new person in the room. Not everyone is well equipped for that, but I hope through my small gestures that it helps others feel more welcome and empowered to put themselves out there.

How have you spread the message of your platform/advocacy?
A lot of what I do to spread my message is inviting people to the things like the spouses' club, MSAN HUB or AWAG seminars through the use of social media. I am a huge fan of social media for its ability to connect people. While it is not perfect, it is one tool that we can all use for good to welcome new people to our communities, invite them to events and let them know there is someone out there to support them. Once I meet people in person, I do my best to welcome them with a big smile and give them a chance to share about themselves. This small gesture goes such a long way!

What do you hope to accomplish with the AFI Military Spouse of the Year^® title?
I am merely grateful to be included in this year's AFI Military Spouse of the Year. I was lucky to be included while stationed at Shaw AFB and have been so impressed with the program, the quality of the spouses picked and the advocacy showcased through its participants. Military spouses make up a small portion of the population at large, but we are some of the most amazing people I know. Each base we have been stationed, I have been lucky to know military spouses who have taught me about leadership, generosity, kindness, hard work and fun. I hope to pay it forward and help other new military spouses feel less overwhelmed, less lonely and more satisfied with military life.